Resentment
by dijurido
Summary: - the highly anticipated sequel to Smitten: Life after death can be beautiful can’t it? Edward struggles to accept what really happened to his angel. But nothing is as what it seems is it?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:**_ Welcome to the sequel to Smitten: Resentment. I could not just leave Smitten the way it was and after all nothing is as what it seems! I highly suggest reading Smitten before this one or it may not make sense. I hope to see many of you from Smitten over here! You guys are the best fans ever! I really mean that!_

_Well without further ado I bring chapter one of Resentment! Enjoy!  
xoxoDij_

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight or its characters.

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I've always heard follow the light at the end of the tunnel. It will bring you to a beautiful place. What happens when the light goes out before you reach the end? Are you forced into the darkness forever? For me I would have to say yes, that it is very true. Especially when you're dealing with dying for the second time.

The last few moments before my true death were such a blur.

_There were people. No, not just any people the Cullens. Thinking of the name still pulled uneasy strings on my heart. There was Alice…crying. Carlisle….And dare I think the name. No I can't do that. But he was there too._

The light was beginning to wrap around me and the voices had started to become muddled. I opened my eyes so slowly to see the sight of a broken angel. Yes, he didn't love me anymore but I couldn't bare seeing him suffer. I mustered up all my strength to speak.

"Edward." I struggled with the name that burned off my lips as well as my lungs working against me. I had to let him know that he shouldn't be upset. "I'm sorry." I tried to communicate with my eyes that I meant it, that this was all my fault. "For all of this."

My eyes began to close against my will. The light was growing brighter, almost blinding.

I felt a pressure by my ear and all I could make out of the soft muddled words was sorry. I wanted to speak more but I was losing the fight with my body. Just as the light was going to consume my entire being it seemed like I was falling and the light was beginning to disappear.

A burn unlike I had ever felt before paralyzed me. I couldn't even scream or move it hurt all too much.

Instead of focusing on the pain I tried to think of better thoughts, happier thoughts. Jacob's face came into my mind and all the time we had spent together. The days at the garage and all the reckless adventures we had. Then like a flash forward blur I remember these last few months. Victoria had killed him to gain me and torture me to this death and ultimately his death also. It was then I stopped trying to become distracted and let the burning and guilt consume me.

It was my fault people I cared about were dead, Jacob, my Jacob dead. I tried to move on to something else. Seeing the look on Edw…, I still couldn't think of him it hurt, _his_ face. That was shattering. But he didn't love me, he left me alone completely shattered and broken. I quickly came to the conclusion he was only upset because it was one of his kind to have killed me. That was the only logical explanation.

The burning was a livewire never stopping for one single moment. I could still hear noises though they were still muddled. I could swear I picked up on screaming and crying but none of it made sense. Then a pattering noise seemed to repeat for a bit and I tried concentrating on that rather than the pain.

All of a sudden the burning got so much worse. I found the will to scream. I could not handle it anymore. And then just like that it stopped. Everything stopped. There was no more pain, no burning, no light, just the darkness and silence.

I opened my eyes to find nothing but black. Where was I? This couldn't possibly be hell could it? After all the suffering I had gone through to end up in nothing. Was I in some sort of purgatory? I tried to extend my arm to find it hit something hard above me. I began to feel around my new surroundings.

It was long and very box like. I let that sink in my brain for a second before it clicked. I had been buried alive. I had been buried alive! I began to panic. I started to scream for help but being six feet under wouldn't do me much. I started to pound on the top of the casket when my hand shot right through it.

I marveled at the fact that caskets must have not been mad to sturdy just to look pretty. Good things zombies didn't actually exist or we'd have quite the problem in civilization. I smiled at my amusing thought but was quickly cut short when dirt began to flow steadily into the casket.

I debated for about half a second on what to do. Get smothered alive or try to dig myself out. I chose the latter. I punched my other arm through then created a hole big enough for me to slip through. The dirt was cascading down quickly. It was then I realized I should hold my breath but I was not breathing in the first place. The thought of me being a zombie crossed my mind for a quick moment before I started to claw my way up.

It didn't take nearly as long as I expected and when my head broke through I gasped for air to fill my lungs. Maybe I had just acquired amazing breath holding skills in my near death experience. A slight burn was forming in the back of my throat. But I figured it was from the screaming and lack of hydrates for I didn't even know how many days that caused it.

I pulled myself out of the hole in the ground and saw that the dirt was relatively new a few days at most perhaps. I began to wipe the dirt off my clothes when a rain drop hit the side of my check. I turned around to look at the sky and gasped at what I saw.

I stood there marveled. I just couldn't grasp it. I was staring straight at my grave. The base was a beautiful white so pure and clean. I slowly looked over each letter, each word so very carefully.  
_Isabella Marie Swan  
September 13 1987 – March 16 2006  
Loved Daughter and Friend  
Angels exist among us and heaven has received one more.  
You will be forever missed._  
The grave stone molded up into a beautiful angel pointing to the sky. The look on her face was so content. I reached out and stroked her cheek softly.

A wind began to pick up along with a slight drizzle. Suddenly the burn in the back of my throat flared and I almost went into shock. I had put the pieces of the puzzle together.

I wasn't dead. I was a monster. I was one of _them_.


	2. Chapter 2

_**AN:** Hi guys! Well I'm quite on the ball with this aren't I? I have to warn coming sunday this story will probably come to an abrupt stop for about a month because I'm in college and taking higher level classes keeps you busy. So I'm trying my best to pump out as many chapters possible til then. Hope you enjoy and I'm really greatful for all the reviews! I'm trying my best to respond to everyone's and not leave every chapter at a cliffhanger - those are my two new goals for this story. __  
Till next time!  
xoxoDij_

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The trees flew past in a cloudy haze. Everything seemed to be a haze now that my life had ended. My reason for existence gone. She was never coming back. I lay my head on the cold glass window of Carlisle's car and closed my eyes. I didn't want to do this. I didn't want to leave my angel's grave not for one second. Carlisle's voice pulled me out of my current thoughts.

"Son, we're home. Your mother is waiting, please go visit her."

I didn't make eye contact with Carlisle but got out of the car. My life seemed to be on autopilot now. I only responded when told to say or do something. As I walked towards the front door, flashes of Bella's death engulfed me. Alice's agonizing scream. The looks on each member of my families faces when we knew we lost her. And worst of all, my angel lying cold and unresponsive on the forest floor.

I closed my eyes letting the memory torture me; it was the least I deserved. At that moment I felt a pair of arms wrap around me. I thought of the way Bella used to hug me and wrap her arms around me in a similar way but these arms were not her. I would never get to feel her touch again.

"Edward, darling. I know you've been through so much please; come sit."

Ah, Esme, my wonderful and caring mother. I looked down into her face, she was doing her best to stay strong for me. I could only do what I could to ease her worries and pain. I smiled very small smile but it could have possibly just been a twitch. I let her guide me to the living room.

The family had already congregated themselves and we were the last two to join. I took a place next to Alice and Esme. It was a family meeting, something I had been hoping to avoid.

Carlisle began first. "As well as you all are aware of these past weeks' incidents I believe it is best we do not stay in Forks much longer nor return."

After a few moments the rest of my family agreed but Alice took the most convincing.

"Please, can't I come to visit? Just once and awhile? This has been so hard."

Jasper tried his best to calm the room but it did nothing for me. Alice seemed to come down from her heightened state and Carlisle ended the matter with allowing Alice to visit Bella's grave only under specific conditions.

I didn't try to protest my want because after this I was headed to Italy. I could not deal living in this world knowing my angel wasn't. It disgusted me it had been four whole days already and as each one passed the worse everything became.

Carlisle seemed to have finished and the family slowly adjourned. I could not even begin to tell what this meeting had been about. I was determined to end everything and I knew that someday my family would understand.

Esme and Jasper seemed to linger behind with us. They were truly worried about both of us, and our unresponsive like states did not help our cases any. I focused on a piece of the wall that had a tiny spot on it trying to empty my mind of everything but I knew it was a lost cause.

"Come Jasper let's leave them alone for a bit."

As Esme's words rang in my ear, I couldn't have been more grateful. My poor mother was having to watch her two children go through such suffering and there was nothing she could do to help either of us. I could hear the footsteps began to fade and I was never more relieved to finally be alone.

It was then I was confronted with the most terrifying yet beautiful vision I had ever seen.

There she was, my angel. Her back was to me as she gently touched the angel statue of her grave. She took so much care in touching it. As if I had just said her name she turned around startled. Her clothes were in covered in dirt and torn. And then there, piercing into me a thousand times fold was her deep crimson eyes, staring in complete horror.

I was jolted out of the vision and both Alice and I gasp at the same time.

Jasper was at Alice's side in an instant as Esme at mine. Both of us were stunned into silence. Bella was not dead, she was alive and not only that we had buried her alive. A new wave of sickness washed over me, I could not now find a new way to be more disgusted with myself. She had changed into one of us. I had damned her to eternal damnation and we left her. Those three days for her to suffer and we left her alone. I was derailed from my thoughts by Jasper's frantic voice, I'm sure he had never seen his wife in this state after a vision.

"Alice darling, please. Please, what did you see." His voice was trying to stay calm but had a hint of panic.

_Edward please get her to speak. I'm worried._

I could not comply with Jasper's wishes for I was possibly more stunned into silence than Alice. I had so many things going through my head. What did she see to scare her so much, those crimson eyes, her stunning yet beautiful eyes, and the fact she changed alone and had to dig herself out of her grave. If I didn't have a just enough reason to die I certainly found it now.

Esme started to rub circles on my hand soothingly. It did not help and I could block it out easily. Alice's vision kept replaying over and over and each time I was stunned by the look in her eyes and face. Finally after what seemed like hours Esme spoke.

"They will tell us when they are ready. I think it's best if we leave them alone right now. Whatever they saw must have really disturbed them."

I glanced over and saw Esme and Jasper get up and start to walk upstairs. Alice's breathing hitched sharply.

Her voice was shaky and breathless, she struggled with the words. "B…Bella."

I saw Esme and Jasper stop dead in there tracks. Everything seemed to stand still and in an instant everyone was back downstairs.

Alice struggled again, "B..Bella's a..alive. N…n…no. S…s…s…she's one of."

Everyone stared shocked at Alice like they couldn't believe what she had just said. She was trying to finish her sentence but was stunned and shaken so much she couldn't.

"Us."

My voice rang clear through the room. The rest of my family turned to meet my face with horror and shocked plastered on theirs just as Alice and mine were.


	3. Chapter 3

_**AN:** So I'm overwhelmed with the response my story is getting! Thankyou all so much! I am truly grateful for all your encouraging and wonderful words.  
So I am going through serious writers block right now and somehow found a way to work through it, it's like they both keeping telling me their sides of the story at the same time and when I listen into one ore the other they shut up! Ugh characters. Haha Anyway I have realized I'm failing at my own goal - to respond to everyones reviews. I remember one specificly: Don't respond to my review just write more! So I think that's what I'll end up doing from now on._

_Oh and school starts up for me tomorrow but I'll try my best to keep updating. If not, til April then.  
And without more waiting here is chapter three!  
xoxoDij_

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I had become a vampire.

The one thing I had wanted more than anything at a certain point in my life but no not now. Not anymore.

He didn't love me. He left me. He said that I wasn't good enough for him. He didn't want me but yet here I am one of them now.

I tried to think of how this happened. My death. My death. Why was it that everything wasn't clear? I began to replay it over until I hit the specific part and let is slow.

_My eyes began to close against my will. The light was growing brighter, almost blinding. __I felt a pressure by my ear and all I could make out of the soft muddled words was sorry._

And that's when the burning began after the muddled sorry. An overflow of questions began to pour into me like a faucet turned on high with no intention of stopping.

Whose voice was that? Could it have been _his_? It couldn't have been his. Was he the one who turned me? Why? He never wanted me around forever; that was partly why he didn't want to turn me. That and my soul, though now that doesn't exist either. I was only a small nuisance in his life that he got rid of or so he thought.

But what if he was the one who indeed changed me, he left me for dead! How could _they_ have done that! I certainly can see him but _them_? _All of them_? How could they have done that to me? How could they have not known? Especially Alice, why didn't she see or even Carlisle? How could he have not heard my heart exploding out of my chest with each painful thud as the venom consumed my body?

A new shot of pain tore through me, stinging. It had finally sunk in and embedded into me, they didn't want me. None of them wanted me. They had no will in trying to save me, they were happier knowing I was dead.

I choked back a sob that was threatening. I was now more alone in the world than I had ever been. I could never see Charlie again; my bloodlust would end up killing him and Jacob. I could not even pass on to join him in whatever was out there in the after life.

The rain began to pick up and the wind blistering. It didn't feel cold. I couldn't feel anything anymore. I was cold dead and numb. I continued to stare at my angel statue. We now had so much in common. I looked like I was made out of stone and I was forever silenced inside, just like her. But at least she was beautiful because I was not. I would never be. Just another reason to validate his dislike for me.

I wanted more than anything to curl into a ball like I used to – to hold myself together. But I was paralyzed in my spot from the most horrible stench I had ever smelt. My instincts told me to be prepared to run or attack but I was trying my best to keep them at bay. I just wanted to be alone or find a way to be removed from this existence.

_Anyway, you don't irritate the Volturi. Not unless you want to die – or whatever it is we do._

His voice rang clear and perfect just like how I had remembered, though the strings of my now dead heart were being pulled. My brain somehow unlocked this memory and I could not have been more grateful for the fact of having this information. His voice stung as I repeat the memory over in my mind, I knew I had to find this Volturi that he had once talked about. I was set. I found my mission and my reason in this existence: to find a way to end it.

My instincts had finally taken over as I crouched and whipped around to come face to face with whatever was producing that awful smell. I immediately stopped and straightened out, stunned at the sight before me.

"J…Jacob?"

I scanned the area quickly to see who else was among us. They had beaten me to punch, however they had sounded as nervous, stunned and as scared as I had. It only took another second for me to process that it had been my voice. It was almost like a chime or a very beautiful bell. I wanted to speak again but thought it would be best not to.

"Bella?"

It was like his face was mirrored of mine, fear amazement and completely stunned.

"Y...y...you're one of them."

All I could do is hang my head in shame. I was now a mortal enemy of his pack. My safe haven was now a place I could never set foot in again. The happiness and friendship I found in La Push was definitely now a thing only committed to my human life. My heart sank.

How was it that he was here with me in such a solid form that I could touch him. Maybe everything I had really read or seen about ghosts was a lie.

"J…Jacob. But you're dead."

I was surprised when he let out a howl fit of laughter. I took a step back as a precaution. Through his laughing fit he managed to speak.

"Bells, I am very much alive. I can't say the same for you though."

His tone became more serious as he gestured his hand up and down at me. It was the truth; I was almost as dead as could be. I began to open my mouth but closed it before I had voiced my question. Victoria had said she killed him. Caught up in the moment it never occurred to me that she could have just told me that to break down my defensives more. And it was exactly what she had done.

I fell to my knees and started to sob but my wanting for tears never came. Jacob hung back reluctant, probably scared at what I might do. Being around a newborn vampire had its dangers and he knew that but I would never hurt him.

"Bella?"

"Oh Jacob! I'm just so… so relieved you're not dead! Victoria told me she killed you but I had never thought that she was just saying it! I'm…I'm..."

"Bells."

The concern and worry in his voice was enough to stop me from my fit. I looked up at him as his face took a tortured expression.

The wind had changed direction and the most beautiful sent hit me. It was like honey lilac and sun all bottled up into one glorious smell. With each second it seemed to get stronger, more potent.

"Do you smell that?"

"No. What is it?"

"I don't even know how to begin to describe it Jacob it's so…so..."

"Sweet."

"Almost, I think."

"Bella…"

My eyes shot to the direction of where the smell was becoming stronger and stronger. I could see so clear for almost miles and make out everything in excruciating detail. And there, a figure so stunning it hurt to look at his beauty. It only made my cold dead heart shatter more.

Jacob sensed my stunned tension and froze. He could smell him too.

"Bella, he's coming isn't he. It's his scent I'm faintly picking up isn't it."

"Jacob… I...I have to go."

"Bella wait!"

His voice carried in the wind as I set off running in the opposite direction hoping to leave behind everything from my past.

_I'm so sorry Jacob._

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	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:**_ Hola fan fic world! As promised I'm on april aka spring break from college and my story is back! Thanks for everyone who is still with me and I'm sorry about the wait but I warned you right. I love all your reviews they keep me inspired to keep going. I can certainly say this chapter didn't turn out as I had intended but I guess Bella had other plans. Anyway!_

_Hope you enjoy!  
Til next time,  
xoxo Dij_

_

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_I ran as hard as my legs could push me. At one time in my old life the trees would have been whirling past me in an array of color but now I could see everything with precise detail. I could still feel him behind me, the distance growing greater between us. I was grateful in that moment for my newborn strength, otherwise I don't think I could have outrun him. Ever.

Running was such a freeing thing for me. Though he was on my trail closely, I thought of nothing but that current moment, pushing myself further feeling the wind against my skin and through my hair. An idea crossed my mind, I smirked to myself hoping it would secretly work and if it didn't I'd suffer the outcome.

I began to slow down just enough for him to close the gap between us. All of a sudden I came to an abrupt stop. He wasn't ready for that to happen when I felt the intoxicating scent fly past me briefly leaving my hair to flow in the wind he created.

Before I had a chance to see if he stopped I turned around starting to head back the way I came but then took a right hoping I could lose him. I wanted nothing more than to be away from him. I wanted to be alone, forever. I gave a small cry. Forever was such a long time, so much more than I could handle.

I was consumed with my thoughts and didn't realize that my body on its own accord was slowing. I let go of my thoughts and realized that this place was vaguely familiar.

I walked through an arch into a small meadow. Instantly my stomach knotted, it was _our_ meadow, though this time everything was so much more vivid and colorful. My human experiences had never given it justice. The greens, yellows, purples and blues so beautiful, the sound of the stream filled my ears like a siren.

My feet continued to move on their own accord as my human memories overpowered me. It was like I was completely detached from everything but being forced into watching these moments over and over again. The hole that I had learned to patch so well was stinging in new ways I never thought possible.

I found my way to the middle of the gorgeous meadow where my body collapsed into the plush grass. I couldn't control the sobs now desperately escaping from me. I cursed myself over again for my inability to shed any tears, it was all I need now, especially now more than ever.

It was a slight comfort when I pulled my knees to my chest like I had when I was human in pain such as this. I felt like my torture would never end, I tried to focus on other things hoping to take my mind off the pain. I attempted to focus on Renee, Charlie and my few friends I had in Forks. A new waved of pain tore through me when I realized I couldn't make out their faces or their voices in perfect tone like I should have been able to. My human memories were fading faster than I could have ever imagined. I held myself tighter as I finally gave up and let my sobs control me.

I shook and sobbed what seemed like hours, I couldn't even tell what time of day it was, the clouds hovered to thick for any sign of sun to come through. That was fine with me because now the sun would show me for what I really was a monster, one of them. I continued to sob this time quieter as I as beginning to control myself.

"Angels shouldn't feel such pain."

I froze. The voice was strained, almost like it was in pain. I glanced around in every angle possible and found no one to match to the voice. There was no wind to pick up the scent of the person. I had let my senses down and in my hours of sobbing they hadn't gained full working order, I was angry I couldn't have detected this now stranger with me.

"Bella, please don't run."

I slowly stood up, ready to disobey the voice as quickly as necessary. I took a deep breath, something inside me was telling me to go to the voice yet pain tugged harder onto me.

"W..w..who are you?"

Mentally I kicked myself, so much for trying to seem confident and tough, that was one thing that would never change. I would always be just Bella, but I took that thought back as quickly as I had thought it, Bella was gone she was dead somewhere in that graveyard. I was a monster now.

"Bella, please. Promise me, don't run."

"I will promise nothing." My voice gained the confidence it was lacking just moments before. I internally smiled at myself for it. I was beginning to get tired of this person's game and mustered as much annoyance and anger as I could.

"Show yourself, now! Before I attack."

Their breathing hitched and there was a pause.

"Alright. Turn around."

As I turned I came face to face with the one thing I didn't want to see. The Greek god that was Edward Cullen.

In my new heightened sense I could see every thing about him. Again my human eyes had done no sort of justice to him. I could make out every angle of his form and his eyes were so much more pure in the butterscotch color. He truly was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

At the same moment my heart that was barely intact exploded into thousands of micro pieces. I began to step away from him, I could register the hurt on his face. He could tell I was going to run and intensely as I tried I couldn't move. Our eyes were locked in the worst showdown I had ever experienced.

He stood quietly just observing me and made no effort to come closer as I found the will to keep stepping backward. I reached the edge of meadow and began to turn to face the forest when the voice, his voice paralyzed me where I stood.

"Bella." He paused not sure of how I would react. I stood still with my back to him.

"I just want to say I'm sorry. None of us knew. If we had, we would have never let you experience that alone. We…no I won't blame this them, _I_ wasn't thinking clearly. I thought I lost you, forever. Bella. You had no heartbeat from what I could hear and you stopped breathing…I..I couldn't find your pulse… I..I…I'm so sorry."

He began to choke on the end, I had never experienced him so upset, so vulnerable. I had fallen to the ground again sobbing with this new story tearing me apart inside. It was all a lie. I knew it was. I was sickened at the thought the he had even attempted this self guilt ridden story.

I felt a pressure on my back. It was enough to snap me out of my state.

"Don't touch me!"

Rage had filled me and it was the best feeling I had felt in quite some time. I could live with this intensified anger if I never had to feel my pain again.

"Bella, please let me take you home."

His voice was still full of pain but I knew it was part of his act.

"I don't have a home! I can't go home! I died remember!"

"Bella, love pl..."

I didn't think I could have reached a new height of anger but somehow found it. I interjected him immediately.

"DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME THAT! HOW DARE YOU!"

I didn't realize it but I had lunged for him and successfully pinned him. His eyes showed hurt, pain, fear and something else that I could not detect. He hadn't even put up a struggle. I leaned close enough into him before articulating each of my words.

"You are sick! I don't ever want to see you again! How dare you put me through anymore pain than the amount I am in now! You truly disgust me."

It took half a second before I realized something. A sinister smile formed on my lips and he looked very confused. I laughed a small melodic laugh and returned focus to him.

I said sweetly, "I'm a newborn and you're not. I overpower you. So you know what I'm going to do?" I paused to see if he would answer and when he didn't I decided to continue.

"I'm going to kill you."

I smiled down at him knowing that my plan had no downfall and could not backfire. This was going to be fun.

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_A/N: Yeah I know I know evil evil evil of me but you're not going to have to wait long for the next chapter so I think you all can survive! :)_


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:**_ Hey guys! So here is chapter 5! I'm really not sure how I feel about this chapter, so if you all could tell me how I'm doing that would be awsome! Thanks to everyone who is sticking with me even though yes it has been awhile. Though is anyone still out there? I don't even know!_

_Well enjoy!  
xoxo Dij_

* * *

An array of emotion formed across his face but in the end settled upon sadness. His eyes bore into mine trying to communicate something I couldn't distinct.

"If that is what you wish."

I stared down at him perplexed. He was giving up this easily, no fight just a simple surrender. I sat on top of him frozen as his eyes kept an unearthly hold onto me. His demeanor never changed; he was holding his ground just as was I. As we played this game something was beginning to fall into place for me. My stomach began to turn uneasily as I was fixed upon his eyes and saw the emotion I couldn't clarify before. It was an array of love seeping from them.

"Bella."

It was such a soft careful tone and it was my undoing. I launched myself off of him onto the other side of the meadow. I could not handle what I just had seen in his beautiful golden eyes.

Hs eyes communicated love but I knew that wasn't possible. He left me after all. He let me endure that living hell with Victoria. They left me for dead.

The wounds on my heart began to split open ten fold. I had to remind myself that he didn't love me, that he didn't want me. I kept chanting it in my head until I was sobbing uncontrollably. I again cursed myself for the lack of tears I was unable to conjure.

As I held myself in my all too familiar position I could sense others arriving. They held no interest to me as long as I could be left alone. It wasn't long before they lurched into conversation.

"How did she?"

"But I saw it. Edward was…"

I attempted to stifle a cry but it ended up being louder than I thought. I didn't want to hear his name. I could not handle it, did they not see I was already broken; it was like added salt to my wound.

"Bella…honey."

I felt an unfamiliar pair of arms wrap around me. They were small yet comforting, something I had been missing since I found myself thrown into this new life.

"Bella. It's okay. I'm here. I won't leave. Promise."

I began to sob harder as Alice's words floated in the air. She was almost as guilty as he was, she left me for dead. I tried as much as I will but could not find myself to be angry with her. Though I needed answers.

I chocked back a sob, "Don't."

My statement seemed to throw her off because she didn't respond right away.

"Bella, please I'm so incredibly sorry. It's my fault I didn't see, I didn't know, I'm so sorry."

She began to weep as she finished her sentence and I could do all but join her. She held onto me tighter chanting sorry over and over.

We seemed to stay like for what seemed hours, both of us finally regained some composure. It was odd to see my once bubbly bouncy pixie like best friend so somber and serious. I could only think for that it was completely my fault. She took her hand in mine but showed no will to stand. I was not about to take the initiative either so we sat at the edge of the meadow in silence.

Caught up in the moment I hadn't realized we were not alone. It seemed everyone was frozen where they stood. Emmett was not far from the arch that led entrance to the meadow and _he_ was still were I had left him though standing looking at the two of us with deep intensity.

It still hurt to look at his perfection and knowing that he left me. That he didn't want me and ultimately he didn't love me.

His voice cut through the silence and tore me anew.

"Bella please don't say that."

I could only look at him completely bewildered. I looked to Alice who's face I was pretty positive had mirrored my own. I was grateful when she acted as a speaker for the both of us.

"Ed- um she didn't say anything."

I was grateful she didn't use his name or at least tried not too, I knew that she had caught on that even his name brought me so much pain. I stole a quick glance at him and his face was just as baffled.

"Bella."

His voice came more of a gasp but caught in his throat as I flinched at my own name. Alice began to rub small circles on my back, I was never more grateful to have my best friend, my sister back into my life. I closed my eyes hoping to gain enough composure to speak.

"Answers. I need some answers."

Alice was beginning to regain some of her pervious chipper self. I could sense it and wished it could rub off onto me.

"Sure Bella! We'll just go back to the house and…"

Fear struck me instantly, I couldn't go back there, I couldn't not again. It would hurt to much.

"Don't worry Bells. Everyone really wants to see you, they've missed you so much. I've missed you."

I couldn't help the small smile that tugged on my face. My personally teddy bear, Emmett, I missed him so much. Before Alice could realize what happened I was out of her grip and into Emmett's arms. I hugged him with as much force as I could muster.

"There's my little squirt. Though…Ow a little stronger I might add."

I let out a small giggle. I was actually strong enough to hurt Emmett, something I thought was never possible.

"There's that smile that's been missing." He lightly touched the end of my nose and continued, "Oh and don't think that that means your stronger than me, just a little of your newborn strength that's all."

He sported the widest smile I had seen in such a long time. I truly missed my big brother.

Alice unfortunately interjected our moment and brought me crashing back to reality.

"You should really come back with us. Talk to Carlisle. We can answer anything you wish to know, just please come back to the house with us."

At that moment a breeze flew past us and I saw him running towards I could only assume the house. Emmett let out a huff.

"Don't worry Bells, everything will be fine."

He tussled my hair, as if it had needed any more messing with and set off after his brother. My heart sank a little when Emmett was fully out of view, after all he was the only one to put a smile on my face. Alice turned to me but I interjected before she could speak.

"I don't want to run."

I wanted to prolong this as long as possible. I didn't want to face what was at the end of the trail, the house filled with people who took me for dead, left me and didn't want me. Above all things I didn't want to be lead to him.

"Okay Bella. We'll just walk. We'll get there when we get there."

She grabbed my hand and the two of us set off at a human pace for the family I used to dream about joining.

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	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** _Hey guys! So I present you with Chapter 6, I had quite fun writing it and could have kept going but I knew I needed to stop. Heh. Hope you enjoy and if you don't mind, review? I feel like I had quite the follow of readers before, where did everyone go? Thankyou though to those who review, I'm glad to know you all always can't wait for more. It keeps me motavated even through my worst writers blocks._

_Much love,  
xoxo Dij_

* * *

The sun had set and already risen before we made it to the house. I had prolonged our walk as long as possible with a few breakdowns on the way. Alice understood though. She held me and told me everything was going to work out fine; that she knew it was going to. Other than those moments we walked in silence. Her pervious self was quickly emerging and I was grateful for it. I didn't need to be the center for anyone's misery but my own.

Finally we had arrived at the house; it was just how I remembered. We walked up the porch and paused at the front door. Alice could sense my hesitation.

"Bella, everything will be fine. They still love you. It will be fine."

She smiled and tapped her forehead. Even with her reassurance I wasn't sure I could go through with it. Seeing the family I wanted to join someday and knowing they walked out on me.

Alice swung the front door open and nearly dragged me in. It was so much worse then I could have imagined. We were standing in the living room where everyone was convened. Carlisle and Esme stood closest to us while Emmett and Rosalie sat on a loveseat and Jasper stood against the wall behind them. As I looked around the room I saw each of their faces, pain and guilt completely consumed them. I definitely didn't need Jasper's power to know that. I began to get the all too familiar feeling creeping back into my stomach.

"Hey squirt."

Emmett's voice lacked all happiness I saw earlier, it was hesitant and flat. I believed it had something to do with Jasper trying to control the situation. I just looked blankly at him when I caught Edward leaning on the wall in the furthest corner. A twinge of pain shot through me as I thought even his name. I looked to Rosalie and Jasper next. Rosalie had her head down in her lap while Jasper was smiling sympathetic towards me. I'm sure he could feel all the pain coursing through my body.

I wasn't prepared when Esme crashed herself into me. She wrapped her arms around me and I returned the gesture only slightly.

"Oh Bella, we are so sorry. We didn't know. I feel horrible knowing you suffered those three days alone. I'm so sorry."

She began to hold onto me tighter. I felt even worse. I had made Esme suffer, the most loving woman I had ever met on the planet and she was in pain because of me. I hated myself for knowing I was the cause of her guilt. I tried to form any word I could but nothing escaped my lips I was frozen in my spot. What Esme said next caught me off guard.

"Bella, honey. Please talk to him. You have no idea how much he's suffered. Please just give him a chance…for me."

I closed my eyes. Having tacked on her last two words made it impossible for me to refuse. I nodded my head in response that I could try. If not for myself for Esme, she deserved anything she could ask of me. She kissed my cheek and let go of our embrace.

"Thank you Bella."

I could hear her taking her leave. I stood planted where I was. My eyes were still closed though I hung my head towards the ground. I knew the sooner I got this over with the sooner I could leave, I couldn't be in this house. It hurt too much being the cause of everyone's misery.

I slowly opened my eyes and lifted my head. Everyone else had left; they must have while Esme was talking to me. That meant only one thing. I glanced quickly over to the corner where he had previously stood and he was still there, he hadn't moved but his eyes were on me. I quickly shot my eyes back to the floor. I took a sharp breath in and walked slowly over to one of the couches.

I gently placed myself on the edge of couch furthest from him. Once again I took my spot in staring at the floor again. I had nothing to say to him, I wasn't going to be the one to break this uncomfortable silence. We were this way for what seemed like hours, though I'm sure it wasn't, my uneasiness was hoping the time was going quicker than it actually was.

"Bella."

Without hesitation I looked up, I couldn't fathom why either. I was able to see him clearly now. His face was just as pained if not worse than everyone else's. He walked to the couch opposite of me and sat. My eyes could not pull away from the tortured expression on his face, I knew him well enough to know he was dealing with some sort of internal battle.

"Bella. I'm so sorry. It is my fault all of this happened."

He paused as to think about what he wanted to say carefully. I could only roll my eyes. Sure I'd let him speak but didn't mean I had to believe a damn word he said.

"I owe you an explanation."

That caught me off guard; he didn't need to explain anything to me. I got the picture perfectly clear, he left, Victoria almost killed me, and only to find out I had been turned into this monster by who knows because they all had left me for dead. What on earth could he possibly need to tell me?

"Stop."

I looked back at him quickly knowing I was glaring at him.

"Please. Just stop. Let me explain then if you wish you can settle with those assumptions."

He could read my mind now. I don't know why but it bothered me to a great extent. I was livid now but I was trying my best, for Esme, to stay calm.

"How can you do that? How can you read my mind?"

I know I was adverting from his original intent but I didn't care at the moment. I needed to know.

"I'm not sure. I can't read your mind all the time. It only comes in small waves and even then it is few and far in between."

I looked back to the ground I was relieved at that fact, so my thoughts were still for the most part private. I didn't say anything, waiting for him to continue.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I left; I thought I was protecting you. If I had any idea Victoria was out there hunting you…" He paused for a moment, I knew he was probably reliving that day in Maine. "I can never forgive myself for not coming in time to save you."

He acted like I was truly dead, was I not here sitting right in front of him. He was talking himself in a circle. I didn't want to listen to anymore self hate he had built in him. I stood up and began to walk toward the dining room.

"That day in the forest…" I paused with my back to him. "I could see you weren't going to let go. I didn't want to do it but I had to try. I had to try and convince you that I didn't love you anymore. I thought if you saw I didn't love you; that I had moved on, you could do that same."

I was frozen. The memory I kept at bay launched at me. I could see his face perfectly and his words. It was like it was stinging me all over again. I took a deep breath.

"But Bella, I thought about you ever moment, every minute, every second I was away from you."

Like my human life, traitor tears began to form. Though I couldn't produce tears, my body began to shake. I was not strong enough to handle these lies.

"I saw it in your eyes, you honestly believes me. You believed that I didn't want you anymore. As if there was any way I could exist without need you."

My shaking began to quicken I knew it was a matter of moments before I had to run or I would end up collapsing where I now stood. I felt Edward rise from the couch and come closer.

"After all the thousands of times I've told you that I loved you. How could you let a few simple words break your faith in me?"

His voice ached with longing for that answer and I didn't know if I could give it to him. I felt his hand on my shoulder. It was like an electric current that burned, but I didn't want it to go away. He leaned towards me.

"Bella, please, I need to know."

I took a deep breath trying to calm myself before I gave him the answer. He let go of my shoulder and I slowly turned to face him. His face still held the pain from earlier but also so much sadness.

"It never made sense for you to love me. I always knew that."

"Bella."

His voice sounded as if it was truly shocked. He took a step closer to me closing any sort of gap that was between us. If my heart were still beating I'm sure it would have exploded through all the emotions that were cursing through me. I was beginning to panic; I didn't know what he was going to do.

Just then he looked deep into my eyes, burning them with his pain and sadness. He grabbed my chin and I knew what was coming. I was terrified but found no way or will to move. I couldn't stop what was going to happen. Then his lips crashed into mine, with such a force that put our kisses when I was human to disgrace. There was so much passion and dare I say it love behind the kiss. I could not help but find myself kissing him zealously back. It was like my anger was lifted for that moment and the only thing in the world that mattered was us.

He finally broke the kiss and with the most sincerity spoke what he had been trying to tell me all along.

"Bella, never for one single moment I stopped loving you."

That was all it took for me to collapse to the floor. The sobs I tried my damndest to keep at bay began to devour my body. He knelt down and wrapped his arms around me, which only made me cry harder. I knew this was going to be a long day as he continued to hold me through each agonizing sob that echoed throughout the house.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** _So I just couldn't wait cause this chapter was someting needed in this dark story. I hope you enjoy! I think it is my favorite so far! _

_Enjoy!  
xoxoDij_

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I found myself much calmer, after what seemed like days worth of crying but sadly it was only twilight of the same day. At some point in my hysterics I was moved to Edward's room. Why I was put there I still don't know. I was alone looking out the wall of windows towards the multi colored sky. I was trying to let today's entire events sink in but I had trouble letting go of what had been instilled into me so long ago.

A soft knock at the door pulled me from my thoughts.

"Bella, darling."

I turned and tried to give the gentlest smile I could to Esme. She warmly returned the smile though small trace amounts of guilt hung in her eyes.

"If you need anything let me know okay?"

Oh how this wonderful woman was so selfless, she was still putting me ahead of her own needs. She was worried about me and my well being.

"Thanks, I will."

She smiled again and left the room. I felt bad for occupying Edward's room, I was sure he probably wanted to spend some time alone, hell if I were him I would too. As I reached for the door it seem to open on its own accord. I stood still as the sent of honey lilac and sun powered my senses; I didn't need the door to swing open fully to know exactly who it was. I stepped back and made my way over to Edward's black leather couch. I sat down and took a deep breath.

"I'm glad to see your doing better."

His voice was sincere but I wondered if it would stay that way when I asked the things I needed to know.

"Edward do you think we can talk."

I looked up into his face which posed fearfulness and relief. He smiled slightly and nodded his head. I motioned for him to come take a seat next to me on the couch. As he moved I asked my first question.

"Why am I like this?"

The question stopped Edward dead in his tracks. It wasn't the first question I wanted to purpose but it was the first one that reached my mouth. I instantly regretted it the second it slipped out.

"Bella."

His voice was etched in the same sorrow and guilt from earlier; I quickly came up with another question.

"Why did you leave?"

He seemed more focused with this new question and found his place on the couch next to me. He looked into my eyes though I could not return the gaze. I involuntary gasped when he took my hands in his.

"I wasn't lying when I said my kind was a danger to you. I was trying to keep you safe and I thought if you could move on it would be okay. Obviously as we can see where we are now, that didn't work out so."

He began to rub my hand with his thumb. The gesture bothered but soothed me at the same time. I found myself yearning to know the answer to my first question so I tried to ask again.

"Edward, why am I like this? Do you know who change me?"

I was surprised with the amount of conviction I had. Once again the sorrow that consumed him began to reappear. He attempted to dismiss the question.

"It is a long story."

I held my ground. "We have time, all the time in the world. Please. I need to know."

I made sure my voice was pleading at the end. I knew it would be his undoing and he would have to tell me the truth. The truth that I wasn't sure if I truly wanted to know.

"Bella, I'm sure you remember that day in the woods in Maine."

I nodded, "Yes, some of it. The end is what is a blur to me."

He continued without hesitation, "I had killed Victoria. I can't begin to express the amount of anger and rage that consumed me. Letting her hurt you like that, it was sinful like defying the gods, trying to kill an angel."

I looked up into his eyes as they became distant. He was reliving his worst memory because I had asked him to.

"The whole family had arrived as the fire of the horrible woman began to reach its peak…" He paused taking an unneeded breath. "Bella… I didn't even check on you. I assumed you were dead."

The guilt and pain was clearly consuming his voice. I didn't know if I should let him continue but he did.

"The winds blew dragging your scent to me, cascading over me and I knew it was like you were saying goodbye. But Alice…Alice broke through to me and made me see that you were still alive."

He stopped rubbing my hand and I knew he was reaching his breaking point, his voice began to shake but I couldn't have him stop I needed to know.

"We walked over to you and you still had a heartbeat. It was so faint that any normal human would have already claimed you for dead. And then Alice put the thought in my head…. She wanted you turned right that instant but I couldn't do it, Bella. I couldn't destroy you. Carlisle joined us and began attending to you the best he could. His resources were limited and knew his efforts would be in vain."

He took a moment to compose himself to continue. Flashes of that day began to play in a blurry haze; it was hard to make out anything besides voices and colors.

"You were fading in and out of consciousness and it was only a matter of minutes before you were gone. Then you opened your beautiful brown eyes and apologized. You! Apologizing for putting me through pain! You were the one dying and you still cared more about me than yourself. I couldn't find a way to be more disgusted with myself. Then you smiled weakly and closed you eyes. Your heart becoming fainter by the second..."

I was staring at him wide-eyed as his gaze still held in the distance. I squeeze his hand to encourage him to continue.

"It was like something snapped in me at that point. I couldn't lose you, not being able to look into your eyes whether you hated me or loved me. I would take anything. I knew I was doing something so incredibly wrong but it was like my selfishness finally won. I bent down to you and whispered into your ear that I was incredibly sorry. I didn't know if you'd forgive me for what I was about to do but I did it. I bit you Bella."

His eyes seemed to be pulled back to the present as I looked at him with my mouth slightly drawn open. The guilt was evident as he held my gaze.

"Bella, it's me. Me. I'm the one who damned you to this life."

He brought one of his hands to my neck and touched it so lightly, carefully. I quickly realized that – that must have been where he bit me.

"Edward." My voice was soft. I couldn't bare hurting him not after what I had just made him do.

"If I only knew you had so much pain and resentment towards me, I would have never…"

I pulled away from him. Was he saying he regretted turning me? A new flood of sickness began to overtake me.

"Bella! No! No, I don't regret turning you at all."

He caught a strand of hair and pushed it behind my ear. His face was saddened again and we sat in silence for a few minutes. I felt it was best if I tried to prod him again.

"If you bit me, why was I buried?"

He looked out the window with a heavy sigh, his eyes gazing into the distance again.

"I bit you and you had no reaction whatsoever. Your pulse was flat and none of us could hear your heart anymore. Looking back it must have been the venom coating it so quickly making the illusion that you we're truly dead. So we brought you home to Forks and had you buried. If we knew; Bella… I swear we would have never done it."

He hesitated again, "I never left your grave, I couldn't fathom that even in my selfishness of trying to save you, it didn't work. I left on the third day, the third day! I could have found you if I had stayed but Carlisle begged me and Alice to come home. We were both so distraught; he hated seeing us like that. Then he broke the news that we had to leave and it nearly killed me. Then Alice had a vision of you, covered in dirt and your eyes...the most gorgeous shade of crimson I had ever seen and I knew I had to try and go after you."

He paused and his face slowly began to creep into a small soft smile. "And that leaves us to where we are today."

He took my hand back in his and began rubbing it with his thumb again. I looked down at our hands intertwined and smiled.

"Thanks, I think that helps clear up a lot of things."

I couldn't find myself to be angry with him or the rest of the Cullens at that moment. It was a huge misunderstanding on everyone's part and now I truly understood why the guilt lurked in everyone's eyes. Edward released his hands from my own and stood up. He began to make his way to the door when he turned back around.

"Anytime, Bella. Anytime."

He was at the door when I began to panic. "Edward?"

He turned around and looked at me. My breathing hitched as I paused nervously when he looked into my eyes, I knew it was now or never.

"I love you."

His face was stunned for half a second before I saw his crooked smile appear.

"You've always held my heart Bella… and now for all of eternity."


	8. Chapter 8

_**AN:**_ _So I had started this chapter pervious to my hiatus then picked it back up I really honestly don't know how I feel about it. So any comments would help to see if I'm doing okay. I wonder if you can find the difference in my stop and restart point. Anyway enjoy!_

_xoxo Dij_

* * *

It was like all his sadness and agony was lifted as he walked through the door, closing it behind him to once again leave me alone with my thoughts. I looked out the window into the newly found nightfall. It was dark as night could be, tonight there was no moon. I focused on the clouds that lazily passed by. I could not help but feel regret for saying those words. I didn't need him to be filled with a false hope. I sighed heavily. Everything was becoming so complicated.

"Bella?"

I nearly fell off the couched startled. I still wasn't accustom to my vampire lifestyle but it earned a small giggle out of Alice.

"I'm sorry for sneaking up on you. I couldn't help it…but um Bella…would you like to shower and get into cleaner clothes?"

I looked over to her as she was smiling sweetly. I felt almost like person in the psychiatric ward, I smiled a bit at the unspoken reference towards Alice. I was beginning to get a little fed up with everyone treating me 'special' or with hesitance. But Alice, she was as genuine as they came, she like Esme just wanted my well being.

"Sure, Alice. That would be great."

It was like I said a magic word and my little pixie friend began speaking a mile a minute.

"OmgBellaIhavesomanygoodoutfitsforyoutotryIcan'twaitthisisgoingtobesomuchfun!"

I just looked at her stunned as she began bouncing up and down. She took my hand and led me to one of the many bathrooms in the house. She walked in with me and pointed.

"Everything you need is over there, and take your time. I have work to do!"

With that Alice shut the door leaving me once again alone. I didn't even think of showering or my personal hygiene since being completely caught up in these past few days' events. I looked down really observing my clothes for the first time since I was turned. It was true I looked like hell.

My pants and shirt were covered in dirt, grass stains and had rips in multiple places. It made me feel like a little kid only more extreme. I walked to the counter and Alice had paid no expense. Soaps, Shampoos and other bottles were placed perfectly along the marble counter. I ran my hands along each bottle looking at the shapes and how each one was unique.

Something red in the mirror caught my eye and I looked up. I gasped. A woman I had never seen before was staring back at me. I reached my hand out to touch the mirror and she was doing the same. When my hand made contact with the mirror, so did hers. She wore a shocked expression just as I had. I touched my face and she touched hers. I continued to do an assortment of other movements which she mirrored me exactly. Then it dawned on me. This was no other woman in the mirror, it was me.

I took a step back involuntary. My eyes were the brightest color of crimson I had ever seen. It was alarming. It was unnatural. I blinked hoping it would go away and my eyes would return to brown but no such luck. They bore into me, so lifeless and cold that I shivered. The person in the mirror was stunning or something more…gorgeous maybe. I couldn't believe that it was me. I could easily compare myself to Rosalie. Though my hair was disheveled and looked like I stuck a finger in an electrical outlet, I was still beautiful.

I quickly discarded my clothing after that and stepped into the shower. The water was the perfect temperature. I closed my eyes and let myself try to let the situation fade. I don't know how long I had been in the shower when there was a knock at the door.

"Bella, you've been in there almost two hours. I know I said take your time but this is a little extreme!"

I smiled. I felt renewed and recharged. Nothing bothered me in my shower time it was just the water and I. I slowly turned off the water to signal that I was to come out soon. The last thing I needed was Alice coming in after me. I stepped out and into a plush pink towel. I walked towards the door, avoiding the mirror at all costs. I still found my new eye color slightly disturbing. Just as I placed my hand on the knob it began to turn from the outside. I stepped back slowly.

If I were still human I would have turned the brightest red imaginable. I stood with my eyes glued on Edward Cullen. It only took him a moment to realize I was in the room and only in a towel nonetheless.

"Bella!" He was genuinely surprised. "I'm so sorry!"

His eyes snapped shut and turned quickly around to the door. At the same moment I began to back up against the wall when Alice came from behind Edward. Never in my life had I been so relieved to escape. She took my hand and we ran to her room leaving a shocked Edward behind.

The little pixie wore a huge grin.

"I'm really sorry about that Bella. I didn't see it until it was too late."

"Thanks, now I can go hide under a rock from the embarrassment."

Alice rolled her eyes and muttered something I didn't catch. She led me to a chair and I knew it was time for me to be her Barbie. I thought I was only going to have to endure this in my human life but I guessed wrong. I sat in my towel and looked straight into the mirror. I bit my lip but before I opened my mouth Alice answered for me.

"Please Bella? You really are beautiful. If you just look at yourself I know you'll believe it and when I'm done! You'll be a knock out and even give Rose a run for her money!"

I couldn't object after that. I sat silently as Alice drabbled on about something I tuned out easily. I closed my eyes so I wasn't forced to stare at my reflection. I'm not sure how much time passed but the hand on my shoulder gave me a sign.

"Bella."

Alice's voice was soft. I secretly wondered if she had seen something.

"Bella. When the time comes please don't do it. Please, please say no."

I gave her a puzzled look but nodded anyway. I looked in the mirror and she had put my hair in loose curls and had minimal makeup. She cleared her throat and held a midnight blue dress. I grabbed it and headed into her walk in closet. After shutting the door, I quickly slipped into the dress. It was a halter that rest an inch or so above the knee.

I stepped out of the closet meeting a very bouncy Alice.

"Just wait till Edward sees you!"

I hung my head and the frown I had been avoiding emerged rather quickly.

"Bella? You want to get back together with my brother right?"

I looked up at her trying to see if she could give me the answer. It was the question I had been asking myself since I stepped foot into this house.


	9. Chapter 9

_AN: Hey everyone! I know it's been a long time. Sorry, just writers block and things have come up. Hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I do! Please review! Til next time xoxoDij_

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I had been left alone again in a room that I shouldn't occupy. A new weight had found me, pinning me down. I had quietly sobbed for what felt like hours and I mental cursed at my inability to form any tears, though the sting in my eye never ceased. Alice had struck a nerve, though I know she meant no harm by asking it; it still unsettled me. I finally settled into the black leather couch and rested my arms around my legs and buried my face into my knees. I was getting in deeper than I wanted, I didn't want any of this, and I wanted to be alone. I had no one anymore.

Though it was like I was torn in half, part of me wanted to believe all of Edward's words with the most sincerity, yet it was the other half kept me lingering, keeping myself focused on the task at hand. His words that faithful day in the forest, I just couldn't let go. Some part of me believed that he truly didn't love me, not when I was human and certainly not now.

My thoughts were my worst enemy at this point. They were suffocating me, tearing at me. I needed a release something to make me feel free. I contemplated jumping out the window but just as I looked up there was a knock at the door.

Alice let herself in. She stood with a small smile and spoke up quickly.

"I know you need to get out of this house. I can't believe you haven't hunted either! A newborn shouldn't be able to go this long! I feel just horrible we've neglected your needs-" I tried opening my mouth to stop her but she continued anyway. "I guess what I'm asking is, do you want to go hunting with us Bella?"

I was drained, I didn't even know if I had the energy to go hunting but I would put in an effort.

"I guess that would be smart wouldn't it."

I tried to sound cheerful but I'm sure it was not conveyed that way. I stood up and followed Alice out of _his_ room.

I followed her wordlessly to the stairs and if my heart could beat it would have been flying out of my chest. The whole family was convened at the bottom looking up at us. Naturally Alice danced down the stairs and straight into Jasper's arms. I still stood at the top feeling awkward and out of place in the moment.

"Bella, it's alright. Please come down."

I gazed into Esme's smiling eyes and before I realized I was at the bottom of the staircase. I still needed to adjust to my vampire speed. I wondered if everyone had as much trouble as I did in adjusting to this life.

Alice quickly chimed in, "Jasper, Edward and Carlisle are staying behind."

I accidently breathed a sigh of relief, though everyone but Edward was staring at me. I was certainly grateful I could no longer blush, I'm sure I would have been purple from the embarrassment.

"Alright let's go!"

Emmett couldn't contain his impatience anymore. Alice reached for my hand and I took it reluctantly. Before I could refocus the rest of our party was gone dashing towards the river.

"It's okay Bella. Come on."

The lights that flooded onto the lawn quickly disappeared as Alice and I ran towards the river. Before I could register what was happening I found myself leaping the width of the river with no effort.

"Wow." I gasped as Alice stifled a giggle.

Our running slowed as I assumed we reached our destination. Alice let go of my hand and I took a few steps forward. I turned back to Alice hoping she would offer some sort of guidance.

She smiled. "I can see right now you're not going to do anything bad. Just let yourself go, give yourself over to your instincts."

I nodded and couldn't help but smile back. I closed my eyes and let myself relax. Sounds and smells began to become even more heightened then they already were. Then I smelled something that I hadn't before, my mouth began to salivate. I let my legs carry my body to my left for what seemed to be only a short moment. I opened my eyes and found a heard of deer scattered. I quickly and silently stalked my prey. I pounced on the closest one, snapping its neck. I greedily drank the deer's blood and noticed it soothed the itch in my throat.

By this time the heard had disbanded and ran off in different directions. But I wasn't done yet. I took off to my left again, not knowing which direction it really was. I found two deer walking slowly as I approached I stepped on a twig triggering both animals to run off in different directions.

I decided to go after the larger one. I followed it for a bit before I realized that this part of the forest looked vaguely familiar. The deer had reached the opening and dashed out into a yard. I was so close. I was near people. My feet decided to keep moving as a pain developed in my chest that I couldn't understand.

It wasn't until I stopped and actually looked where I had ended up did I begin to panic. I could see my house, well not my house anymore, Charlie's house, not far away. I looked down to the ground as the familiar sting began to find my eyes.

It was then I was confronted with a memory.

"_Bella, I don't want you to come with me."_

"You…don't…want...me?"

"_No."_

My legs had given out and I collapsed to the forest floor as I forced myself to hold back the sobs that were desperately choking me. I could see it all; the look in his eyes showed the determination and honesty that he truly didn't want me.

"_Of course, I'll always love you… in a way. But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… __tired__ of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human" _

I brought my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around myself as I buried my head into my knees. I wanted more than anything to alleviate the pain that was consuming me but I would never be given that opportunity. I began shaking as I let myself dry sob.

Rain began to fall from the sky as I heard it bounce on the canopy high above me. Eventually it would find its way down in the darkness to me. I pulled my head up and looked toward the sky. I closed my eyes as I felt the rain begin to break through and fall against my face. It was like the rain was the tears I could not produce as the drops ran down my cheeks. It felt like hours passed as I sat there tormented by my thoughts. I could see the changes in light through the opening getting darker then lighter then darker again.

I hung my head as I heard the approach of someone, though they were far in the distance. I didn't care to move, I didn't want to move. I could live the rest of my existence in this spot.

"Bella?"

I looked up to see a blonde figure in the distance looking for me. What was Rosalie doing here looking for me?

"Rosalie?"

It took a moment before the sound carried and her eyes locked with mine. She then quickly ran towards me with a look of relief on her face.

"Oh, Bella!"

Her voice was genuine as she threw herself over me in a hug. I sat still, puzzled. Where had the Rosalie I had known gone? She couldn't stand me and found every opportunity to show it. Suddenly I felt a vibration and Rosalie jumped up and pulled a tiny silver phone from her pocket.

"Don't worry, I found her! She's fine. I'll bring her back to the house."

She paused looking at me with a small smile.

"Yes…Of course... See you soon."

With that she put her phone back into her pocket and looked at me with warm eyes, almost like Esme always had.

"Bella, you gave us all quite the scare. We didn't know where you ran off to."

She sat down on the forest floor next to me and let out a big sigh. I snuck a look at her from the curtain of hair that I had produced between us. She was looking straight with a distant look in her eye that I had become all to accustom to.

We sat in what I felt was an uncomfortable silence until her musical voice intervened.

"Bella." She paused to look at me as I diverted my eyes to the ground again. "I'm glad I was the one to find you."

She sounded sincere and I felt guilty that everyone had become worried at my disappearing act.

"I'm really sorry. I …I didn't mean to worry any of you."

My voice was small but I knew she could hear every word that I had said. I could almost hear the smile in her response.

"We're all just glad we found you safe." She paused almost hesitant. "Bella. I was wondering…" She seemed to be struggling with her words. "…if I could talk to you."

My eyes went wide but I quickly recovered as I looked up into her face. Her topaz eyes were almost pleading and I couldn't deny her. It did seem she truly wanted to talk to me.

"Of course, Rosalie."


	10. Author Note

_**AN:** Just letting you all know that I know it's been a while and I have not forgetten about this story, I am just having intense writers block. I am stuck on Rosalie's back story, it's not that I dont know it it's just writting it to fit the story best. If anyone wants to help I would be more than appricative. If not i'll get a new chapter up when it happens. I'm so so so so sorry._

_xoxoxo Dij_


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